Daily Dose of my mind.

Most people that think they know me, think I’m heartless.. because I don’t...

Sun, 19 May 2013 21:15:11 -0700

Most people that think they know me, think I’m heartless..
because I don’t show hurt, and I don’t show pain.
I hide it deep in my insecurities, and shove it down inside me where no one could ever find it. So I don’t cry, and I don’t sweat, not in front of people at least.

I do it so well, that people believe it.
That I completely do not give one fck about the world.

#cantsleep #goodmorning

Sun, 19 May 2013 05:59:26 -0700

#cantsleep #goodmorning

Photo

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 12:54:18 -0700

I want there to be someone who would take care of me in case I couldn’t take care of myself...

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 12:36:00 -0700

I want there to be someone who would take care of me in case I couldn’t take care of myself not where I have to take care of someone when I can barely take care of myself

The moment where you question whether someone is here for you or your money .

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 12:35:29 -0700

Don’t get it twisted . I’m not always sad or unhappy. I’m only unhappy when I blog...

Wed, 24 Apr 2013 11:04:32 -0700

Don’t get it twisted . I’m not always sad or unhappy. I’m only unhappy when I blog because this is my way to vent . When I’m not posting it means I’m happily enjoying life

I’m not myself anymore .. I feel a part of me missing that I can’t seem to fill....

Tue, 23 Apr 2013 22:51:00 -0700

I’m not myself anymore .. I feel a part of me missing that I can’t seem to fill. Something is wrong and I don’t know what. I’ve been having thoughts that I just don’t know what to think of it.. Or how to comprehend. I’m stressed and unhappy because something is missing .. I feel it but I can’t pinpoint it.

Sometimes I’ll get a flashback from the past. This distinct memory of a feeling I once had,...

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 16:15:00 -0700

Sometimes I’ll get a flashback from the past. This distinct memory of a feeling I once had, and the same feeling rushes through me. In my head, is like part of a scene in a movie playing back in my mind. This warm feeling of love I once felt, rushes through my body as if someone had just shot me with a dose of love running through my veins. Those moments where I feel this memory, I feel an equal balance of happiness and sadness. Happy because it was something wonderful that I was lucky enough to have experienced, and sad because I can no longer ever get that feeling again. As I sit here, I think to myself.. well I get to tell my kids in the future ? Will I get to share my memories of the past with them ? I have so little to share, because I have felt so little. I’m only almost 20. Twenty years in the making, of my existence. I have twenty years to look back at, well as I get older.. It’s crazy to think that I’ll get even more to look back at ? And as I sit here and ponder these thoughts.. I end with an infinite question. Will the years from here on out, be something I will be happy to look back at, or will it be something I will try so hard to keep out of my memory ?

#hellothere #iwishmyhairwascurly

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 23:53:53 -0700

#hellothere #iwishmyhairwascurly

#hairisshortnow #weirdo #pink #maxidress #hot #tank...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 23:53:41 -0700

#hairisshortnow #weirdo #pink #maxidress #hot #tank #iwannagotothebeach #fattie #tatt #iphone #gold #pinkandgold #messyrooom #hotflashes #eek #hungry

#bluedress #fattie #weirdo #hurr #hellothere #crossover #dress...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 23:53:26 -0700

#bluedress #fattie #weirdo #hurr #hellothere #crossover #dress #blue #instadaily #spring #summer #gainingweightwhy #ohwell #istillfitasmall #boohoo

I am feeling as empty as one can get.. I think I have issues with abandonment and lonliness,...

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 09:26:18 -0700

I am feeling as empty as one can get.. I think I have issues with abandonment and lonliness, because whatever it is right now.. Well, it’s killing me.

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Tue, 02 Apr 2013 15:02:51 -0700

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Photo

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 00:05:34 -0700

Photo

Sun, 31 Mar 2013 23:57:07 -0700

I wish I could completely forget all the things that have happened in the past, and just start...

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 01:17:41 -0700

I wish I could completely forget all the things that have happened in the past, and just start fresh. New. I just want to be a different person, because I hate the person that I am.

Still a part of me that's missing....

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 01:11:16 -0700

Ever had your heart set on something ? That moment, where you think to yourself that you’ve got it all figured out. That life is exactly where you sought it to be, exactly where you want it to be.. or at least what you’re aiming for. Let me tell you, I have. I have about a million times. I’ve thought, ” Hey, this is it. this is IT. ” This is the one, or this is the thing, this is the time, this is the moment, this is IT. Followed along with this thought each and every time is a part of me that breaks into little pieces every single time. Almost as if, there’s this lighting strike of sense of reality to shock me back to life. To remind me that it isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. That I don’t actually have it, even when I think I do. This feeling that something is missing, that something isn’t right; Will it always be there ? This feeling seems to remain with me through all these years.. I try all these different ways to try and rid of this problem but I can’t. I can’t seem to shed this blanket of emptiness that shadows me.. everywhere I go.
Will I ever be at peace ? That’s all I truly want..

I want to love and to be loved.

Will I ever get there ?

I think he’s wonderful. I think he’s amazing. I think he gets me more than I get...

Fri, 29 Mar 2013 01:02:20 -0700

I think he’s wonderful. I think he’s amazing. I think he gets me more than I get myself sometimes. He knows when I’m sad, he makes me happy when I’m hurt. He’s strong for me, when I’m weak. He’s here for me when I feel all alone.

I’m afraid that this is just to good, this has got to be an illusion. This isn’t real, and if it is… well it won’t last. Please, I’m begging. I’m hoping I’m wrong, because I don’t want to lose this. I don’t want to be without this, now that I know how it is to be with.

Found me when I was half broken, heart broken, and at my worst.

I couldn’t of thank god for a more grateful gift than the one he has given me today.
I feel blessed, and I hope he never takes this away.. because I don’t remember what it was like to be without it. I don’t want to.

I just want to sit and cry. I feel defeated.

Sat, 23 Mar 2013 13:31:49 -0700

I just want to sit and cry.

I feel defeated.

I want someone to teach me, someone who could help me grow. I want to grow into a better person, be...

Wed, 20 Mar 2013 21:00:51 -0700

I want someone to teach me, someone who could help me grow. I want to grow into a better person, be a better person, or be the best that I can possibly be. I want to be free of anger, pain, heartache. I want to be loved, and more. I don’t want to envy, or doubt or hate. I want to feel no regrets, no hurt.

I just want to be happy.