Daily Dose of my mind.

He was not my boyfriend. On the other hand, he wasn’t just a friend either. Instead, our relationship was elastic, stretching between those two extremes depending on who else was around, how much either of us had to drink, and other varying factors. This was exactly what I wanted, as commitments had never really been my thing. And it wasn’t like it was hard, either. The only trick was never giving more than you were willing to lose.

Fck you

I wonder if anyone thinks I’m cute, then I don’t want to know . 

Bi polar ness. Awkwardness, and all of the above. 

I need to pick up my check tomorrow but I don’t want to go alone.

): 

You should wine and dine the fck out of her. 

Getting hit on by cute guys, is great. 

Getting hit on by not so cute guys, is creepy and gross. 

Honestly, I’m afraid. 
I have this terrible feeling that my dad’s health is getting worse.

I don’t know what I’m going to do, because I can’t imagine the world without him. I mean he may be the closest thing that I have to anybody truly  caring about me right now. & it kills me, or is this just selfish thinking ?  Typing this puts me in tears. I feel like the bigger man up there likes to play me. He first takes my mom away not literally, but some how she left my heart when I was 11. Then my grandmother’s death which has totally been the reason for the change in the person I am today. Then he puts a man in my life, that I put out my heart for.. and went through some serious situations with. & It broke my heart again. Now my dad ? You want to take him away too ? My heart’s been breaking so many times, although it may be able to handle it.. doesn’t mean I’ll keep letting it do this to me. Doesn’t me I’ll stand for it, because I’m tired of trying to prove that I’m strong. I just want to give up altogether. I know it’s sick and twisted to think of such thoughts, but I can’t help it. It seems like nothing in my life ever goes right, and the part that seems like it is ; Is all because I’m pretending. & I’m tired of faking it. 
This isn’t going to work anymore.

I swear, if this cancer takes my dad.. before I’m the age of 21.
               He can take me too. I’m so tired of this bullshit.  

jonathanpham:

She can love better than any other, but she don’t stick around for long.

Highlights of my day: Walked from parking space to work and had a car with three weird mexican kids with mustaches try to holler at me.. and literally flipped the car in reverse after passing me by saying ” wssup mamii”.. I walked away and pretended that I’m deaf and don’t understand. Then while at work, this really cute white guy was flirting with me and shit, then he asked me to join his “business” which is promoting events. I’m like wtf, do I look like to these people ?! ):< In which he wouldn’t stop talking to me and he wouldn’t leave me alone, and he WOULDN’T BUY ANYTHING while wasting my time.

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