If you asked me last year where I saw myself in a year, I could quickly tell you this wasn’t it. Everything I am right now is nothing like I thought I would have been. The way things are in general are nothing like I thought they would be. To see people I couldn’t live without last year walk away from my life and become strangers, to see people that were once strangers, mean more than the world to me. Seeing time fly by in the blink of an eye and feeling like nothing ever changes. Feeling like everything has stayed the same throughout those days, yet looking back at where I was this exact time last year, and everything is different.
People come and go. I want to tell you that’s life, because it really is. We learn who to trust, we learn how to fall in love, and we learn how to let go. With life comes obstacles, and those obstacles teach you who you are. The people that left aren’t meant to be in your life, and the people you leave.. you aren’t meant for them.. but the people that you love, have loved, will love, they will consume you of good and bad memories. So even if you know that half the people you meet probably won’t stick around, make the best out of the time you have now.
I’m not with any company right now.
Signing on a new contract.. for myself.
I kinda want the blackberry bold 9900 in white,
but I’ve been looking at the iphone4s in white for a long time..
but i can’t decide.
because it’s cheaper for me to sign on a contract with tmobile then at t .
I remember when I was 15-16, and I hung out with people older than me. They were like seniors, when I was a freshman. & Some where way older, even graduated..
& I’d go with my friends, to their friends party.. and well.. I got asked for my number a lot.
Then these guys, they all thought I was 18. & When they found out that I wasn’t, they still tried to get at me . Though, I never gave them a chance or kicked it with them.
I just remembered right now, cause I thought about one of them.. who I thought was so hot. Oh wells.
You’re probably wondering, ” Well damn. I thought she said she doesn’t party.”
I used to, but I don’t tell people about when I did.. cause I don’t wanna sound like I’m trying to be all cool saying I kicked it with those kind of people when I was a 8th grade incoming freshman. I went through the phase of ” college parties ” with people that weren’t my age. I guess you can say, as like everything else in my life.
I started off early. & I got tired of it real fast.
I think it’s just my nature, or it became my nature.
I’ve always been this way, and I can’t change it.
that a lot of guys in my life time are going to be interested in me. Though, I don’t share that mutual feeling. & When I do find one that I have mutual feelings for, I’m going to love him til’ the death of me.. but to bad he won’t love me just as much.
She said that I’m going to date a lot, but not a lot of them is going to stick around.
Honestly, what she said was true. I really don’t give people the time of day sometimes, not because I think I’m better than them though.. but just because I think they can do so much better than someone like me. Like, I’m not worth the trouble you’re going to get into while trying to get with me. I’m as complicated as it gets. & I don’t want to complicate anyone’s life. So I’d rather stay out of it.
I don’t know.. but sometimes. I just wonder what’s going to happen to me ? Am I going to have kids in the future ? Am I going to be happily married ? Am I ever going to be married ? Am I going to be in a relationship anytime soon ? Am I going to ever let someone in my life, and care for me ? Am I going to ever stop being so damn hard headed acting like I can take on the world, when really I’m just a little bug ? I gotta stop trying so hard to stay independent. I think I have trouble realizing, I just really need to chill out sometimes.
At least that’s what a friend told me recently..
I don’t let people in close enough to care for me. Everyone’s at arms reach, so how am I suppose to give a good hug that way ?