Everybody kept asking, how is it possible that I'm single ?
Funny, because the answer was here all along. I just simply, never had something close enough to remind me what it was. So long, that I simply forgot about it. So let me tell you why. This is what I lack. I lack showing guys I’m interested in them. I show the ones, I don’t care for much.. that I think they’re cute. Though, that’s as far as it gets. It’s been awhile, since I crossed paths with somebody who wants to be in a relationship with me. Honestly, every bit of me doubts the idea of that.. sub-conciously. Every time a guy comes near me, I become afraid. I shut off, my guards build up. This invisible, is unbreakable. This wall, it makes people wonder.. “how the hell could it be this thick ?” I don’t know. I really don’t know, why I’m this way anymore. Lately, no matter how many guys have hit on me.. I turned them all down. There was a few, I wanted a little more than I thought I did.. but those were the ones that didn’t have the mutual feeling. That’s fine though. I moved past that.. but as of right now, I’m stuck. It’s like, finally when someone takes interest in me.. I push them away. I give them all these reasons, to leave.. to not stick around for this girl.. who’s not worth the trouble. Not worth the time. I make it harder for myself.. and harder for somebody else to like me. I do it, unintentionally. I didn’t even realize I do it, til’ now. I guess, I stopped trying. I got lazy. I don’t care as much as I want too.. or I don’t want to show it. I’m just complex like that.. because I know for a fact, if it were to be any other girl. She’s take the chance to be with him, in a heart beat.. but me ? Me ? I can’t do it.
