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Say hello to goodbye

Good morning everyone !

I don’t know if anyone reads this anymore, because I feel like I haven’t been on tumblr in a very long time. I used to be very active and constantly on this thing, but in the recent years it’s been less and less. I don’t know if you’ve noticed.. Wow, can you imagine that ?  I just said, “years”. God, I feel like I’m getting old. ( I’m growing up )          

I woke up this morning feeling wonderful - 
& A thought came across my mind. I want to feel like this everyday. To feel that life is great, and amazing. To be loving, happy, and appreciative. 

Following this thought, came my tumblr. Just as if a big rock had hit me in the head or a light bulb just flipped a switch in my head.. lol  
A little late I know, but I just realized how much of this tumblr is actually filled with sadness, heartbreak, complaints, senselessness; a cold broken little girl who founded comfort drowning in loneliness. 

I’m just not that girl anymore, nor do I ever want to revert back to that little girl.  (Technically I’m still just as little… fun-sized (;    )   I found myself thinking back to the recent years & not being on here as much has brought me happiness.

Stepping away from drowning in my own self-made unhappiness instead of being out and changing it. I focused on being unhappy and what I would do to change it, but never actually doing something about being unhappy. All I had been doing on here was talking about how much I would like change, and what it would be like… but never had I just gone out and did it. It was as if I was planning for something, but never had the guts to do it. Until the recent years..           The less and less I was attached to this tumblr.. this unhappy little girl, found a way to happiness. & I’ll be the first to admit, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows, but chasing that every glimpse of sunshine is enough joy for me. & that’s what I’ll really want to remember in 10, 20, 50, years right ? That I was happy, and made the years worth something to look back at. Instead of an unhappy little girl who didn’t do anything but talk about what she wanted to do. 

So here I am, at  a new phase in my life. 


I just thought to officially give this up, and let go of this person or the part of me that has dragged me down all this time. There are so many people that followed me, and encouraged me, and reassured me, when I was down. I thank you for your support, and love for a random stranger like me. I’ve met some wonderful people through here, who are kind hearted and made me realized this world just isn’t as cold as I had thought it out to be. Thank you for letting me know about another part of the world and going through my journey with me.

Dear me, 
    This life is yours. Do you know what that means ? You get to make it however you want it to be. Yes, there will be things that are in your way whether it be a road block or just a good reason that you’re just downright wrong.. but either way. You can change it. You don’t have to feel unhappy or feel broken. You’re not.  Remember this:          
In 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years. What will you want to remember ?  
& don’t give a snarky bullshit answer, we all know what that is. 


This won’t be the last of me..  I’ll probably make a youtube or a foodblog or something.
Why ?
Because one, I’m always happy in videos because sad videos are awkward… lol  no one makes crying videos.. and if you do then that is just very sad…      /:       
& a food blog because I found a new love for baking… lol Not only that, I love to eat.  OKAY ! 


You will never find happiness if you’ve never found it in the places you’ve already been. 


Do good in any way possible, because there’s enough bad in this world; No need for more.


On a search for happiness and everytime I think I’m getting close, a curve ball or something gets thrown my way.


ive cancelled plans with friends before just bc my hair wasnt lookin right its that serious 

One day, he’s going to know. He’ll know your birthday, your middle name, where you were born, your star sign, and your parents names. He’ll know how old you were when you learned to ride a bike, how your grandparents passed away, how many pets you had, and how much you hated going to school. He’ll know your eye colour, your scars, your freckles, your laugh lines and your birth marks. He’ll know your favourite book, movie, candy, food, pair of shoes, colour, and song. He’s going to know why you’re awake at 5am most nights, where you were when you realised you’d lost a good friend, why you picked up the razor and how you managed to put it down before things went too far. He’s going to know your phobias, your dreams, your fears, your wishes, and your worries. He’s going to know about your first heartbreak, your dream wedding, and your problems with your parents. He’ll know your strengths, weaknesses, laziness, energy, and your mixed emotions. He’s going to know about your love for mayonnaise, your dream of being famous when you were five, your need to quote any film you know all the way through, and your fear of growing older. He’ll know your bad habits, your mannerisms, your stroppy pout, your facial expressions, and your laugh like it’s his favourite song. The way you chew, drink, walk, sleep, fidget and kiss. He’s going to know that you’ve already picked out wedding flowers, baby names, tiles for the bathroom, bridesmaid dresses, and the colour of your bedroom walls. He’s going to know, get annoyed at and then accept that you leave clothes everywhere, take twenty minutes to order a Starbucks, have to organise your DVD’s alphabetically, and check your horoscope… just incase. He’ll know your McDonald’s order, how many sugars to put in your tea, how many scoops of ice cream you want, and that you need your sandwiches cut into triangles. He’s going to know how you feel without you telling him, that you need a wee from a look on your face, and that you’re crying without shedding tears. He’s going to know all of it. Everything. You, from top to bottom and inside out. From learning, from sharing, from listening, from watching. He’s going to know every single thing there is to know, and you know what else? He is still going to love you. Anson (via chocolatecows)



i wish i showed this much emotion when I was sober. :(

Is it just me or is anyone else curious to how those super low cut bra works ? I mean does your nipple not show when you wear those ? I don’t have big nipples but those bras are weird… like how. 

Is anyone on tumblr anymore, does anyone even see this ? 

I haven’t been on in months. 

Note to self

          Dear me, 

Remember to smile for everything you have, and say “thank you”. Don’t lose yourself, don’t give up, & don’t let yourself be unhappy. You are in full control of that. You’re not 15, anymore. Your actions, are YOURS ; Not anyone else’s. There’s no one to blame but you, so don’t give yourself any reason for blame. You deserve whatever you wish to let yourself have. So if you’re unhappy, then let go of that unhappiness. Take things lightly, but don’t forget to know what it’s like for the times you’ll to have to get serious. Love. Fall in love, be in love, and if it ever simmers than just be happy for ever being able to have loved. 

         Please, please, please, don’t let yourself hurt anymore. Don’t let yourself cry over things you cannot change. Don’t be satisfied in misery, That’s not a healthy company. Don’t let anyone talk you down from what you want, or think you deserve. That person does not know you, nor your capabilities. Don’t let yourself fall into that desperate need to be “cool” or “popular” with a lot of non relevant friends. You already know that leaves you with emptiness. So please, remember don’t go back. Don’t go back to the ways you know is not healthy for you. 

Quit causing self harm, and let go.  You’re allowed to find happiness. You’re allowed to be comfortable with whatever decisions you make regardless how anyone feels or what they think of you. That doesn’t matter.. because at the end of the day. What they think of you, or say,  won’t help you be happy. You get to do that. Whether or not you make the choices; Those choices EFFECT YOU, NOT THEM.   So put your happiness first. Do you, for you. Not anyone else. Don’t forget. 

    Love Me.

They’re all looking for a reason to hate you, so why don’t you have a little fun and give em one.

I’m so lost. Maybe I like it better this way, because I’m afraid of being found.

And you tried to change, didn’t you? Closed your mouth more. Tried to be softer, prettier, less volatile, less awake… You can’t make homes out of human beings. Someone should have already told you that. And if he wants to leave, then let him leave. You are terrifying, and strange, and beautiful. Something not everyone knows how to love. Warsan Shire, For Women Who Are Difficult To Love   (via paigemerchant)

I just want to feel like I’m the only one. That there’s no second person, no back up, no other one who can replace me or that I’m not here to replace anyone. I don’t want to be inbetween. I want to be special. 

           I just wish I had certainty of where my life will be. 

 I just want to feel free. 

I’m trapped in my own thoughts, 

in the nightmares, of what used to be.. 

what’s left are my memories. 

Forever seems too good to be true, and if it isn’t .. Well then it seems too far away.

Read between the lines..