Most people that think they know me, think I’m heartless..
because I don’t show hurt, and I don’t show pain.
I hide it deep in my insecurities, and shove it down inside me where no one could ever find it. So I don’t cry, and I don’t sweat, not in front of people at least.
I do it so well, that people believe it.
That I completely do not give one fck about the world.
I want there to be someone who would take care of me in case I couldn’t take care of myself not where I have to take care of someone when I can barely take care of myself
Don’t get it twisted . I’m not always sad or unhappy. I’m only unhappy when I blog because this is my way to vent . When I’m not posting it means I’m happily enjoying life
I’m not myself anymore .. I feel a part of me missing that I can’t seem to fill. Something is wrong and I don’t know what. I’ve been having thoughts that I just don’t know what to think of it.. Or how to comprehend. I’m stressed and unhappy because something is missing .. I feel it but I can’t pinpoint it.
Sometimes I’ll get a flashback from the past. This distinct memory of a feeling I once had, and the same feeling rushes through me. In my head, is like part of a scene in a movie playing back in my mind. This warm feeling of love I once felt, rushes through my body as if someone had just shot me with a dose of love running through my veins. Those moments where I feel this memory, I feel an equal balance of happiness and sadness. Happy because it was something wonderful that I was lucky enough to have experienced, and sad because I can no longer ever get that feeling again. As I sit here, I think to myself.. well I get to tell my kids in the future ? Will I get to share my memories of the past with them ? I have so little to share, because I have felt so little. I’m only almost 20. Twenty years in the making, of my existence. I have twenty years to look back at, well as I get older.. It’s crazy to think that I’ll get even more to look back at ? And as I sit here and ponder these thoughts.. I end with an infinite question. Will the years from here on out, be something I will be happy to look back at, or will it be something I will try so hard to keep out of my memory ?
#hairisshortnow #weirdo #pink #maxidress #hot #tank #iwannagotothebeach #fattie #tatt #iphone #gold #pinkandgold #messyrooom #hotflashes #eek #hungry
#bluedress #fattie #weirdo #hurr #hellothere #crossover #dress #blue #instadaily #spring #summer #gainingweightwhy #ohwell #istillfitasmall #boohoo
I am feeling as empty as one can get.. I think I have issues with abandonment and lonliness, because whatever it is right now.. Well, it’s killing me.